Pride 33 Thoughts: Part Two

Match Six (watched second):
Sergei ‘the Siberian Tiger’ Kharitonov (Russia)
-vs-
Mike ‘Hadn’t Earned a Nickname’ Russow (USA)

Next up is a heavyweight who lost to an inspired Overeem during the 2006 open-weight Grand Prix. After a promising start in Pride, when he went the distance with Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira and brutalised current double K-1 GP champion Semmy Schilt, Russian Sergei Kharitonov has been on something of a backslide. After losing a brutal fight with Aleksander Emelianenko, he will be hoping to put Russow away in highlight-reel style. I know nothing about Russow, so there you go. He is apparently a police officer in Chicago. Oh, apparently a very good wrestler too.

I have to say ‘The Siberian Tiger’ is a pretty awesome name for Kharitonov, who had put in his time in the Russian armed forces and facially looks about twice his twenty six years. He has Sambo experience, but will probably be looking to use his heavy, heavy hands against debutant Russow. Can he avoid the Russow takedown?

We are on the introductions, and I love how the Russians always get anonymous Euro-house to come out to. He is announced as ‘from Russia… with love’ but, looking at him, he practices tough love. If any. Oh nice one, I forgot Josh Barnett was on commentary. This should be fun. I somehow managed to go through the Rua-Overeem fight without noticing this fact.

And we’re off. Russow is predictably desperate for a takedown, but Sergei is having none of it. He wants to hit the low leg kicks. I say that, but Russow catches one and gets a takedown. He passes into side-mount and I am not a fan of this. Russow got mount for a second but, when he started the ground and pound, Sergei got antsy and flipped him. He tries to stand, but Russow is on that leg like a bulldog. The American hits an admittedly sweet takedown, and Kharitonov is thankfully able to slip out of a can opener-attempt (neck crank).

With Russow over him, Kharitonov is able to get an armbar and the win! Russow protests that the match should not be over because he didn’t give in (in a manner reminiscent of when Frank Mir broke Tim Sylvia’s arm in the UFC). The difference is that Sylvia didn’t tap – he got stopped when his forearm snapped – and the replay definitely shows Russow making that tap. After such poor sportsmanship, I doubt we will see too much more of Russow in that minimalist-white Pride ring.

Match Seven (watched first):
Mauricio ‘Shogun’ Rua (Brazil)
-vs-
Alistair ‘the Demolition Man’ Overeem (Holland)

I have chosen to watch this first, largely because it finished downloading first. It is also a very tense fight for me, because I like Overeem a lot, and he has an alarming propensity to lose any given match he is in. this is a great shame because he is a light heavyweight (middleweight in Pride categories), who is six-foot-five, has great, Dutch-bred Thai boxing, and a deadly guillotine choke. Nevertheless, he has lost fights recently in weird ways. One is discussed here. Another was when he was enjoying dominance against the great Antonio Rogerio Nogueira and, apparently due to an existing injury, had to retire from the fight prematurely.

Sadly for Overeem, he is tonight facing Rua, who is arguably the best in the world at the weight. He already boasts a stoppage win over Overeem (in the 2005 middleweight Grand Prix semi-final), and is consistently excellent. For this reason, I am scared. Anyway, the match is beginning, and we have Joey Pantoliano look-alike Steve Mazzagatti as ref.

Active start from Overeem, which is heartening. An attempt at a Thai clinch, even. Best not to get too crazy with Shogun, though, who will deal with you. Overeem catches a kick and gets a trip, but decides, wisely, not to go to ground with the Chuteboxe supremo. I am very pleased with Overeem’s mood in this fight. Rather than being intimidated by Shogun, he is really bringing it with confidence and aggression. However, they go to ground, and Shogun is attempting an arm-lock. Hammerlock position, but not behind his back, and Overeem is able to power out of it into a sprawl, and back to their feet. Overeem gets taken down again, and the game of cat and mouse, between the ground and pound and the up-kicks, is engaging.

However, like a middleweight Fyodor, Shogun hits an immense diving Superman punch right to the button. Follow-up ground and pound is a formality as Joey Pants steps in to stop the action. This was entertaining enough, though disappointingly brief. One wonders where Overeem goes from here.

Match Eight (watched fourth):
Takanori ‘Fireball Kid’ Gomi (lightweight champion, Japan)
-vs-
Nick Diaz (USA)

As I mentioned in my preview, this is my most eagerly awaited match. Read the preview for reasons why, but suffice it to say that I fully expect this to be a barnstormer. Gomi, being lightweight champion and all-round Pride golden boy, gets a great, ‘urban’ intro video. Infringing a bit on The Rock’s gimmick by being announced as ‘the People’s Champion’, but I doubt The Rock cares at this stage anyway.

‘Rascal vs. Rogue’ is a pretty cool tagline for this, actually. Gomi has a naughty streak (as evinced by his post-bell assault on Luiz Azeredo), but Diaz really isn’t a man to be messed with. Aside: the voiceover on these video packages reminds me of Aku from excellent animated show Samurai Jack. Gomi enters to his usual theme tune of ‘Scary’ by Mad Capsule Markets, and it never stops sounding like The Skids’ ‘Into the Valley’. There are fifteen minutes left in this file, so I am definitely hyped for this.

The first round was as excellent a five-minute stanza of fighting as I have ever seen. While not the most amazing display of technical acumen, it was full of drama and momentum swings. Gomi was in charge for the first half of the round, with initial ground and pound, when the two started trading on the feet, the longer Diaz was landing more, and cleaner, shots, but it was Gomi who dropped his opponent.

Diaz toughed out this sequence and recovered to gain the advantage as the round came to a close. The last minute or two was spent with Diaz teeing off on Gomi, who was channelling Naseem Hamed, as he bobbed and weaved with his arms down for all he was worth. The Diaz attack seemed to lack the power to knock Gomi out, but the Japanese fighter definitely seemed tired and woozy, and glad the round was over. Despite my initial thoughts, that round had to go to the Stockton, California native.

The second round was quite unbelievable. Diaz got opened up by a Gomi knee but came back with strikes. Gomi replied with a takedown, but Diaz used his flexible length to choke Gomi against his left shin. Gomi went out, and Diaz pulled off what was probably the biggest upset since, err… Gomi got choked out by Marcus Aurelio, in another non-title fight. One thing is for sure: the stock of Diaz has just skyrocketed. This was amazing stuff.

Match Nine (watched ninth):
Dan ‘Hollywood’ Henderson (welterweight champion, USA)
-vs-
Wanderlei ‘the Axe Murderer’ Silva (middleweight champion, Brazil)

I had to save the main event for last; it just seemed right. Pride is really laying the UFC references on thick, what with showing footage of Rampage smashing Chuck Liddell (complete with caption of ‘UFC Champion’), and also of Silva mashing Rampage into paste. But hey, I suppose if you own the footage, why not?

I must also add the sense of occasion I feel at watching this show. Back when I was ten, I watched my first ever American pro-wrestling show (WrestleMania VI), which had the main event of Ultimate Warrior vs. Hulk Hogan. That was a title vs. title fight (the Intercontinental belt vs. the WWF belt; the Ultimate Warrior took home all the marbles, as it were). Anyway, the point is that there is something special about two-belt matches. Obviously Silva cannot win the welterweight belt, the fight being at 205 lbs and all, but that doesn’t detract from the epic feel of this clash.

A nice Pride touch is the playing of respective national anthems before a title fight. Amusement came when Chuck Norris, standing next to Nicholas Cage, didn’t have his hand on his heart when the star Spangled Banner was playing. He must have noticed himself on the big screen, as he put down whatever he had been holding and clutched his hand awkwardly to his chest. And is it Americans’ patriotic duty to cheer for Harrison Ford during the anthem? Anyway, I am officially hyped for this fight, even if Silva is much bigger than Henderson.

First round: with Silva on top of Henderson, I would like to take this opportunity to say how nice it is to have Frank Trigg and Josh Barnett on commentary: rarely does an MMA show have two commentators who can really empathise with the in-ring competitors. A big ‘U-S-A’ chant erupts in case Henderson forgets where he is fighting. Halfway into the round, and there have been two restarts due to inactivity. The two fighters obviously have a lot of respect for each other, but it must be mentioned that Henderson has not been afraid, thus far, to throw leather.

The round was definitely entertaining, as both fighters eventually just decided to start randomly throwing punches at each other, seemingly in some kind of tribute to the first Griffin vs. Bonnar fight. Both men seemed rocked at times, with Silva displaying a tad more killer instinct.

The second round has ended, and I’m giving this one to Henderson: one each, then. Hendo got early takedowns, the second of which lasted the duration. He was very active indeed from the top, with impressive ground and pound using both fist and shoulder. Silva could not escape from the predicament, and Henderson even threw some knees early. If we are looking at the whole fight, Henderson has to be currently ahead; I was about to say that Silva needs a finish at this stage, but I’m not even sure how many rounds they are booked to fight. Is it five, like a UFC title fight?

O… K. it seems Pride has only its second middleweight champion ever, and a double champ at that, as Silva gets knocked out for the second time in the space of about six months. And this after he showed initial promise early in the round. The commentators were banging on about a left hook Silva had thrown, only to see the fight end with Henderson’s left. It always seemed that the wild swinging sessions in the middle of the ring might end in tears, and it would seem that Henderson’s swinging was that bit more controlled in the end, as he caught Silva on the sweet spot, dropping him instantly.

Post-match amusement came as Henderson shouted ‘USA!’ while Pride honcho Mr. Sakakibara was reading the official title-bestowing speech. Also, with the towering interviewer (he was taller than every fighter he interviewed) ordering him to remove his mouth-guard. Still, credit where it’s due, Henderson holds all the gold, and Pride is now in a serious booking mess.

Still, with the belt being removed from Silva’s waist, this does mean Shogun can get his long-awaited title shot. I don’t see Henderson surviving that, but then I didn’t see him surviving this one. What do I know? Anyway, brilliance as Henderson mentioned that he wants a third belt and can’t make lightweight. Fyodor Emelienanko would most definitely smash him into paste.

Pride 33 Preview


I have had the strangest feeling since the calendar flipped over to the two-double oh-seven. Maybe it’s just me, but this year so far has felt slightly bereft of MMA action. Perhaps this is due to the anti-climax of the debut EliteXC show, or because UFC 67 was as good as we were expecting, and that very lack of surprise made it less memorable than it perhaps should have been.

That is definitely weird, because the EXC boasted some good matches, as well as something of a spotlight for female MMA; similarly, the UFC show was good. Jackson and Filipovic got their stoppages (omission of cemetery kicks and massive slams should not detract from the important fact that they did not ‘do a Herring’), and we got to see the excellent Griffin-Edgar bout.

Perhaps this feeling of MMA-lnutrition is a subconscious reaction to the masses of shows we were fortunate to witness in the glorious-for-business 2006. I know that getting two major shows in under a month and a half would have felt like manna from heaven just a few short years ago.

I have come to the conclusion that perhaps what my traditionalist mind has been missing is a good old Pride show to warm the cockles in this bleak midwinter. Granted, recent months have seen talent poached by other organisations, and the grim spectre of death stalks the apparently moribund promotion at every turn. Even that most energising of theme tunes has echoed out over the PA system at Zuffa-owned shows.

Call me an old romantic, but there is nothing quite like a promising Pride card to get me excited about people fighting each other for pecuniary advantage. And call me a sucker for hype but Pride 33, taking place in Las Vegas this weekend, is what I would call a promising card. Let’s face it, I would probably be happy if the card consisted of Dan Henderson vs. Wanderlei Silva, Takanori Gomi vs. Nick Diaz and little else. And that’s a good thing, because that is pretty much the crux of the matter. Still, we do get to see Hayato Sakurai, the ever-exciting Joachim Hansen (win or lose, and thankfully it is usually the former, his fights are never boring) and a heap more.

The main event is, of course, a rematch between two of the fightingest fighters in the world of fights. Wanderlei Silva is pretty much as brutal as it gets, as he made his name destroying Kazushi Sakuraba at a time when people just didn’t destroy Sakuraba. Silva, in fact, seemed to make a living stomping holes in natives, as the likes of Yuki Kondo and Kazuhiro Nakamura took pretty immense beatings from the flagship fighter of Curitiba’s Chuteboxe academy. A recent jaunt to the heavyweight division saw mixed blessings, as he stopped the previously pretty immovable object that was Kazuyuki Fujita, before falling to Mirko ‘Cro Cop’ Filipovic; no source of shame to get beaten by the most dangerous striker in MMA.

Back at middleweight (205 lbs, which is obviously light heavyweight for most of us Westerners), and Silva is matched against the smaller Dan Henderson. Rumours once abounded that Silva would face the ever-excellent Antonio Rogerio Nogueira, but the decision was made that an American might be more pertinent to headline a card in America, and so Hendo was the bookers’ choice.

Of course, I would never say Team Quest stalwart Henderson is chopped liver in this fight; before Dream Stage Entertainment created a 183 lb division, he made a very nice living fighting larger men than he. ‘Hollywood’ Henderson went up against both Nogueira brothers, and even Wanderlei himself, in the past. While not victorious, his quality as a fighter shone through. Suffice it to say that when he got a weight class he could be comfortable in, he took the title.

Yes, with Silva still middleweight champion (partly because he has been fighting at heavyweight, partly because he and Mauricio ‘Shogun’ Rua won’t fight each other, partly because his tournament loss to Ricardo Arona was non-title), this is a champion vs. champion bout. I can’t really see Henderson winning this, to be honest.

Not only is Silva naturally larger than Henderson, but he seems to be a bad fit for the American. A wrestler who is comfortable on his feet, Henderson likes to wait for a chance to land his famed right hand on unfortunate jaws. Unfortunately for him, Silva is a striker by trade and, unless Hendo has been working diligently on a jab to distance the two and set up his killer shot, it seems he will just be out-gunned when it comes to the striking game.

With Silva enjoying a striking advantage, and pretty decent when it comes to grappling (let’s face it, he’s gone to two decisions with Hidehiko Yoshida without being tapped, so he must be doing something right – even if Yoshida does like to stand and trade), Henderson’s major advantage in this fight is in the wrestling. The brace of fights Silva had with Arona (the latter being Silva’s successful defence of the title in a ridiculously close fight) evince an issue Silva has with good wrestlers who can control their opponent. That said, I don’t see that being such a major factor this weekend; this will be where the Brazilian’s size advantage will really benefit him.

Probably the most intriguing fight of the card for this particular correspondent features the Pride lightweight (that’ll be about 161 lbs then) champion in action against traditionally welterweight (that being American welterweight, 170 lbs) warrior Nick Diaz. Objectivity aside, I love Diaz. I liked his UFC debut against Jeremy Jackson, but it was really his (at the time) shocking knockout win over then-UFC golden boy Robbie Lawler (and I say that in a non-derisory manner; I am glad that Lawler seems to be somewhat back. I shall have to find out what he has been doing since claiming victory over Joey Villasenor, actually) that really woke the world up to his quality.

Since that fight, Diaz has been considered one of the best welters in the game, and with good reason. He has also been regarded as something of a loudmouth which, as far as I’m concerned, is excellent. Diaz is a vibrant personality, who I find compelling at every turn. Sometimes his cocky demeanour seems to over-ride his focus (he really should have knocked out Joe Riggs in the first round, when he had the chance. Silly loss) but, having recently beaten Josh Neer, it’s not like he is slacking too much.

UFC was apparently thinking about giving him a slot on the Ultimate Fighter: The Comeback show but decided against it. It wouldn’t really have been a comeback anyway, but he probably would have steamed through the competition. Seriously, and with all due respect, what exactly would have Matt Serra have done to him?

Funnily enough, Diaz’s opponent on this card is someone who Serra beat in grappling competition (though Serra would likely vanquish Diaz in a pure grappling contest too): Takanori Gomi.

I have gone on at length in the past about Gomi, how unstoppable he once seemed, and how that perception was apparently permanently besmirched when he was choked unconscious by Marcus ‘my favourite lightweight’ Aurelio. I don’t really need to add anything other than the basics: he had ten straight wins in Pride’s super-competitive lightweight division. He avenged his loss last year to Aurelio, and then absolutely steamrolled the other recent victor over Aurelio, Gomi’s compatriot Mitsuhiro Ishida. That would all put him firmly back at the top of the Pride heap (and just in time for this year’s lightweight tournament. Super).

That this fight is apparently playing out at lightweight has to put a smile on Gomi’s face. Naturally smaller than the rangy, six foot Diaz, he will be far more comfortable at the weight than a Diaz who might resemble a skeleton when he fights. While Gomi likes to pound out victories and also occasionally choke victims out, he would be advised not to go to ground against the Cesar Gracie-instructed Californian.

Indeed, while Diaz has made a habit of smacking opponents’ lights out, he entered the UFC with a reputation as a pure grappler. While not quite a B.J. Penn or Marcus Aurelio (two men who gave Gomi pretty humbling losses) on the mat, he is still someone the Japanese warrior will not want to mess with. So that leaves the stand-up battle. As aforementioned, Diaz is taller, and has a history of knocking people out. Still, it is hard to bet against Gomi in this one.

Not only should the lightweight status of this fight favour Gomi, but he is ostensibly a more diligent fighter in terms of getting the job done. His fondness for body shots might also be a telling factor. One thing is for sure: neither fighter is likely to back down, or give his opponent any more respect than is absolutely necessary. This has the potential to be a war. It wouldn’t surprise me if Diaz caught Gomi with a couple of hard early shots, then spent the rest of the fight smugging his way to a decision loss.

Thoughts and hopes (though not necessarily predictions) on some other bouts on the card:

Shogun should duplicate his 2005 victory over the frustratingly under-achieving Alistair Overeem; the latter really needs a win, but it will be hard to attain. Both pale Europeans Sergei Kharitonov and Joachim Hansen should brutalise their adversaries (Mike Russow and Jason Ireland, respectively) with respective fists and knees. Mach over Mac, probably via first-round KO. I will be rooting for Renaissance man Trigg over Kazuo Misaki, but the Japanese fighter has tamed the likes of Phil Baroni, Dan Henderson and the excellent Denis Kang, so I see him getting a snidey decision. Whatever happens, this show promises much. Let’s hope it does not disappoint.

By the way. If you liked this article (or even if you didn’t), be sure to check out the newsletter I write for, Total MMA. It’s really good.

BizarrOC

My Comic Book Guy Moment, vol. 1
I love The O.C., I really do. It took me a while but, after a couple of years of protestation, I succumbed in my 2006 summer of Cali-love that was spearheaded by the heady brew of Arrested Development and punk rock retro fetish. So I watched the first season on DVD, and then caught the coincidentally-scheduled T4 morning repeats of the third. I’ll save the in depth eulogy for when the show has officially finished over here, though.

Of course, my mentioning that I love The O.C. is precursor to dissing the episode I saw this week. I suppose it could be justified as Christmas insanity (it was, after all, a Yuletide-set episode), but even that is a stretch. Having not seen the second season, I will refrain from any ‘WORST. EPISODE. EVER!’ proclamations but, even as a staunch O.C. defender, I thought it was just too silly.

Background: too-perfect-to-be-true dream girl Taylor Townsend (Autumn Reeser) has a crush on bad-boy-with-heart Ryan Atwood (Benjamin McKenzie). She gets him a big Christmas prezzie, and he responds by not inviting her to the family Xmas dinner (he has his reasons, but I’m not about to tell the whole story. Watch the repeat on Sunday if you’re desperate for facts). Anyway, he’s been putting Xmas lights on the roof, she is up the ladder with him and they both fall.

Exposition out of the way, they end up in hospital, unconscious yet ‘fine’. It transpires that they have been transported – together – to an alternate universe where, Quantum Leap style, they must put right something that has gone wrong. In this particular scenario, Sandy (Peter Gallagher) and Kirsten Cohen (Kelly Rowan) are divorced, and with Julie (Melinda Clarke) and Jimmy Cooper (Tate Donovan) respectively. Our perfect pair have less than one full episode to get the Cohens back together, and also to get Seth (Adam Brody) with Summer (Rachel Bilson).

See, this is a parallel universe where neither Ryan nor Taylor exists. Without Ryan being there, Seth never gets cool, never pulls Summer (in other words, this is a more realistic Orange County than the one in which they actually live), and she ends up being an airhead (which she was anyway, let’s not forget), and married to Che (Chris Pratt). Anyone following the show will know Che is someone she knows from university, so this is too bizarre to work, but the writers fudge an explanation about the circumstances that would lead to his being in Orange County and whatnot. It was not the most believable explanation I have ever heard.

Taylor does technically exist in this universe, but her mother had a boy instead of a girl. Upon seeing her giving New Taylor a dressing down about his weight, Our Taylor confronts mummy dearest about the way she is talking to Boy Taylor. Standing up to mater apparently her actual ‘mission’, she gets zapped back to the normal Orange County; Ryan is left on his own. In one big speech, he manages to get everyone together, Seth has his ‘George McFly smacks Biff Tannen’* moment when he gets in Che’s face, and everyone is happy.

If all of this wasn’t of sufficient insanity to have you questioning your own marbles consider, too, the dialogue that Seth and Sandy had while Ryan and Taylor were ‘comatose but fine’. Seth, in an on-the-nose moment of a magnitude not seen since I stopped watching pro wrestling and Days of Our Lives, suggests to his dad that – get this – perhaps Ryan and Taylor are in an alternate universe! And if that was not enough, he goes on to posit that perhaps they have a mission to accomplish, at which point they will return to the real world! Awesome. And were that not sufficiently ridiculous, Sandy – a lawyer by trade – agrees with this summation.

Is it all just a desperate (and ham fisted to the point where the writers must be wearing entire pork farms on their hands) stab to echo the excellent season opening of Sopranos last year that was set largely in Tony’s coma-dream world?

Hopefully things will return to normal after this week, because the fourth season is so dark and bleak that it actually really works. I think this is what Americans call ‘jumping the shark’ (a reference to a Happy Days episode wherein the disturbingly old-to-have-teen-friends ‘Fonz’ literally jumped a shark with his motorbike. So it really just means a dunderheaded point of no return for a programme). Here’s hoping for the show to end in a blaze of nihilistic glory.

*If you don’t get this reference, do not return to the internet until you have watched Back to the Future. And its sequel. But not number three.

Lost Goes Weird(er)

My Comic Book Guy Moment, vol. 2
Anyway, if The O.C. this week jumped the shark, Lost seems to have given the shark a pair of legs, a tuxedo, and taught it to do a soft shoe routine while reciting the complete works of Shakespeare, backwards.

[Insert disclaimer here about how I love Lost, and that it is my favourite dramatic television programme ever ever ever.]

It seems almost churlish to decry an episode of Lost for being insane. After all, it started out madder than a colony of hatters who spent their teen years taking too much acid. Still, there was a twisted kind of internal logic that made tropical polar bears and deadly columns of living black smoke totally believable. This week, though, I say in my dorkiest possible tone that they have gone too far!

The flashback in this episode concerned the excellent Desmond (Henry Ian Cusick) character, and his past in what looks like London (complete with crap accents and army recruitment posters that mention the word ‘HONOR’ – seriously; researchers please). In keeping with the week’s theme of everybody being totally telepathic and charging about like Tetsuo from Akira, Desmond already knows about the island, the numbers and the hatch.

OK, I can sort of get behind that… maybe. It sounds stupid, but his recent clairvoyance has been engaging, so I’ll see where it goes from here. I suppose there is a similarity between this story arc and Vonnegut’s Slaughterhouse 5. See, Desmond keeps getting thrown back to the time he split up with his gyal because he thought he was destined not to be with her. Regretting that, he gets the chance – Quantum Leap style once more – to literally ‘put right what once went wrong’(!). Perhaps he does hope that his next leap… will be the leap home. Anyway, he ends up pinballing between the moment of break up and being on the island. Like Vonnegut’s Billy Pilgrim, Desmond is stuck in time!

I tell you, this really looks a lot better in hindsight than it seemed on Sunday night. I think I’ll have to download the episode and give it a re-watch. Oh how I wish I was in Charlie Brooker’s shoes, able to phone up broadcasters and get tape sent to me. Perhaps this episode is a grower after all, and is going to lead somewhere really good. So far, all we really have in terms of black marks on the episode is a shit sense of continuity and poor casting.

As if to intentionally save my argument from falling on its face, Desmond bumps into fellow islander Charlie (Dominic Monaghan), who is busking outside his would-be father in law’s building (I’ll mention the absolutely terrifying ubiquity of Alan Dale in every US TV show in my impending Proper Lost Post). As if Charlie busking the brain-drainingly mediocre un-song ‘Wonderwall’ wasn’t bad enough, Des grabs him by his lapels and shouts about how he recognises him from the island and the hatch and the numbers and everything. Of course, everyone’s least favourite smarmy, Evangeline Lilly-dating hobbit reacts as if he has been accosted by a madman.

And maybe Desmond is mad. But still, as bad as that little encounter was, how come Charlie has no recollection of this event? I am positive that if I was busking and some Scottish bloke ran up to me yelling about an island, hatches and numbers, seeing him later on an island with hatches and numbers might ring the tiniest of bells. Maybe? Admittedly, this theory ignores how much of an oatmeal-brained oaf Charlie is, but I feel forced to give him some credit for sentience.

Best case scenario is that Charlie does recognise him and is wondering what Desmond’s (PORK PIE) game is. Desmond turns into a frothing Celtic Tetsuo as his psychic powers engulf him and it gets really bizarre, but with adherence to the compelling Lost internal logic. Meanwhile, Jack’s (Matthew Fox) head explodes as his sceptical face-twitching reaches critical mass, and he takes that annoying old couple with him. Now I think about it, the show seems to have looked away from that pair thus far in this third season, so maybe passing conversation in a future episode will reveal that they neatly died somewhere.

Or maybe they’re just in a parallel universe, where everybody in the back half of the plane didn’t end up dying senselessly.